Monday, September 28, 2009

I Will

It's inevitable.

My seat hits the seat, we say amen, and she calls, Oh! I need to go potty.

And I set down my napkin and scoot back my chair and hold out my hand for hers.

Oh, we try to remember to remind her before we sit. But in the flurry of plates and silverware and hot pots and strapping baby into his seat it slips our minds more often than not.

And I want them to eat hot food, want them to enjoy, so I go. I take her. And I grumble internally the whole way.

I wonder when I will get a hot bite? How many years before Mama gets to sit and stay seated and eat hot food?

And she sits on the potty, little hands holding tightly to the seat, green eyes solemnly gazing into my frown, and she says it.

I need you, Mama, don't I?

Heart crumbles.

Yesterday when the apples wouldn't press through the old borrowed mill and the dinner bubbled over and the baby boy caught hold of my ankle and wouldn't let go as I whirled around the kitchen, I said it. I need you, God! I need you.

And He scooted His chair back and He held out His hand and He took me. And even though I couldn't hear His thoughts, (although I've read them...)
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Psalm 139:16-18)
...I'm sure He didn't grumble. And even though I couldn't see His face, (although I've read it...)
They waited for me as for showers
and drank in my words as the spring rain.
When I smiled at them, they scarcely believed it;
the light of my face was precious to them. (Job 29:23-24)
...I'm sure he wasn't frowning.

And my messes are messy.

He wiped and washed, and returned me to my place. And I pressed apples with new fervor and turned down the stove and scooped baby boy onto my hip and inhaled.

Did you know that the Lord says I will over 1400 times in the Bible?

Oh, the lessons never end, do they. How I long to emulate the loving Father who never gets to eat a hot meal with me in the room. Whose seat hits the seat only to hear my cry... I need! Who serves, and gladly, too.

So she hopped down, fluffy lacy dress situated back around her waist, we washed, and after pressing the light switch, I pulled her back to me and knelt, smiling. I have a secret, Eliana.

She breathed in happily. What, Mama? And she pressed her ear to my lips and waited.

I will always help you when you need me.

It's my new mantra.

I will.

Join me?

22 fellow travelers shared:

Melissa said...

Thank you.
I will.

(I really like your new look! So cheerful. :)

Linda said...

Oh Elise - how beautiful.
My baby girl is thirty years old now, but every so often I get a call and know immediately by the sound of her voice that she needs me. It isn't always a convenient time, but it is just as you say. I have a Father who is never too busy or annoyed to listen and then to help.
I have tears in my eyes. You have such a beautiful heart.

Sandi said...

Elise, you've done it again.

In such a poetic loving way pointed my gaze and heart to him.

I had similar grumbly thoughts today. The needs never seem to end yet He nevers turns us away.

I will....too

Thank you my friend.

Tracy said...

Wow, I needed that. Thank you for the reminder...always need the reminders.

Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience said...

Elise?
I join you....
I will

Thank you, beautiful friend...
A thousand times, over and over again, for everything....

Thank you....
All's grace,
Ann

Holly said...

Oh, thank you! I will. Holly

Mark said...

Elise...thank you. I will.

Andrea said...

This really spoke to my heart today.
Thank you for such a beautiful post - and for the tears!

Ginger@chirgies said...

I've been there a thousand times too...seat just sitting, with steam rising from the plate, to hear similair requests... My response has been anything but lovely. I pray that I too will die to self, and be willing, like Him. Thank you for sharing so beautifully, and for the gentle reminder.

Cathy said...

Wow. Yes, I will, too.

Stacey said...

Yes the mortification of motherhood does not always bring a joyful noise from these lips... but oh, that it would.
Join you...I will.


May my lifesong sing to You....

Sue said...

Oh, my! (With tears)... I will.

Sarah said...

Wow that was beautiful!
Thankyou.
Sarah :)

Clarissa said...

Elise,

I just read Ann's blog entry about impatience and felt the Lord tugging at my heart. You were next on my blog roll and I now know that God is speaking directly to me....

I am impatient. I am not willing to esteem others higher than myself. I think of myself first. Yes, even in this journey called "homeschooling" wher I am daily with my children, I am not always present with them.

Thank you for sending me to my knees as your shared your heart.

Blessings,

Anonymous said...

Beautiful, thank you. Mary Brooke

Debra said...

Just what I needed to hear. Wow! Thank you for sharing it! :)

Kelly T said...

We learned our own "I will"s today as we decided together that we will agree to put hearing aids on our sweet Sophie's ears, yes, even now, after two years without. Thanks for sharing this post.

Denise said...

We are all so naturally selfish, no matter how much we don't want to be - and yet scripture tells us that the Lord's mercies never end. It is what I cling to some days.

Thank you once again, Elise, Dear Friend.

I Will & Amen.

Andrea said...

Elise-friend
I WILL.
For Him.
not for myself. or even for my children. (which both can blur together at some times--and can be one and the same.)
for HIM (very clear.)
I WILL!!
love you-->andrea

Stacy said...

Yes.
I will.
What a wonderful encouragement.

Becky K. said...

An excellent post! I am glad to have found it.

Becky K.

AndiMae said...

Tears. Because I can relate to every single bit of this post. How desperately I need to be reminded to really focus + hear + give undivided attention. Especially when my own sweet four year old has to use the potty during every meal! You were telling our story :)
xo

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