Manners = Awareness

Memorizing with two little boys who sometimes (okay, most times) think more of their own stomachs than the other precious people at the table...

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use!
-Emily Post-

It is a refreshing take on meal time in a world that pummels us with magazine pictures of the perfectly set table, the proper placement of dishes, silverware and glasses, touting the line "Simple", yet so extraordinarily...not.

Little boy’s feet may not reach the floor, so turning sideways to ease the aches in their knees most certainly does not keep the crumbs from bouncing on the ground. Plastic cups from restaurants line the children's plates, so the nightly ritual of "spilt milk" plays itself out safely, albeit messily. The almost-eight-year-old can serve himself fairly well, but the five-year-old’s plate ends up next to mine, along with the toddler's, as I cut and spread their food for them. Many nights, those plates are paper, to keep the pile down as Corban learns to wash dishes by himself.

But we practice. We look at each other, anticipating needs, passing a bowl before it is asked for. Observing the level of milk in the cups several times during the meal, watching for the need of a refill. It becomes a dance, a smooth flowing of conversation and awareness. No one goes hungry.

And as my sons giggle when I tease them by saying they only have to worry about one fork tonight, but tomorrow we shall use three, we come up with the Hooper Family’s "Top Four Guiding Principles to Observe at the Table":

• God is present. Act like it.

• Daddy is served first. Guests are served first if they are present. So, chill.

• If your tummy is rumbling, most likely brother's is as well (or the guest's), so offer him the serving bowl before you fill your plate.

• If you see something you are really excited about eating, rest assured that Mama made plenty. You will get some. Be patient.

Do you recognize a theme? Yes, patience. To attain patience with my children, I believe awareness must be cultivated. Awareness of the existence of others outside of themselves. Hands and hearts to serve, eyes that see, ears that hear. And how I hope to learn, along with my children, to take my awareness outside of the dinner table! To anticipate others needs before they are voiced. To take the extraordinary into the world - Jesus - until no one goes hungry.

So our table is simple. Truly. It is inexpensive, non-gourmet fare. No tablecloth; deep scratches clearly evident. A highchair that pulls up to the end so, happily, Eliana can join us. Lantern-lit, paper-plated, plastic-cupped and utterly delightful.

No matter what fork we use.