Letters to Eliana

There's a reason I call you my Sunshine.

It isn't just because you make me laugh when you blow on your cottage cheese - out of habit after a burned mouth - and then realize your mistake and slap your forehead with a smile.

It isn't just the smile you bring me with your declaration of "Happy!" when I enter your room in the morning to wake you. Or the same declaration when I ask if you are ready for your nap.

It isn't even just the absolute delight I feel with your screech of "Daddy!" when he walks through the door, and then you dance crazily around the living room until you collapse.

No. Not those things. At least not those things alone.

You are my sunshine, for you bring me laughter in hard moments. Moments of lost temper, moments of irritation. Moments of great sadness.

Mama is clumsy, because she tends to move so quickly. Daddy is always asking her to slow down, but how can she? So much to do! So when she drops something, then grasps for it and knocks it even further away, it is very frustrating. For a moment. Then a giggle comes from her side, and a little pig-tailed pixie is looking up with dancing eyes.

Mama cannot help but laugh.

When there is company coming, and Mama sits making a list and speaks aloud her tasks (not always with a happy tone), you think it is so funny! You pat her leg until she looks at you, then say, "Mama!" and laugh uproariously.

Mama does, too.

When Mama weeps in the quiet of the kitchen as memories and what-could-have-beens assail her, you bring her your comfort. The birds-eye cotton diaper we now call your "lovey". As you sadly, soberly pass it up to Mama, offering the thing most dear to you, you bring sweet laughter in your comforting as Mama bends to receive your hug.

You see, Eliana, so many moments of anger and frustration and sadness have been averted because of you. Mama is learning how to tame her reactions, for your little eyes are always watching. Finding the joy. Memorizing for the future.

I want you to remember laughter. I want you to remember a sigh and a silly smile as Mama stoops to pick up the errant item, only to *pretend* to drop it all over again, for the delight of another giggle. I want you to remember the pencil dropping to the table and a quick dance around the living room; a break from the have-to's. A moment to delight in laughter.

I want you to remember, always, how to comfort by giving the best of what you have, and offering it with a happy heart. How to use laughter to heal.

You make this Mama's heart so happy, Sunshine.

For surely the Son's face shines brighter when He hears your laughter.

Let it shine.

I love you,
Mama