Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Is it Okay That I'm a Mama? {cause I still feel like a kid}

You put some bark right in the flame, here, and it burns really easily!
Just a little trick for when you're an old lady and Dad's not here. Micah and I won't always be around, you know!
~Corban, while he helped build and light the fire yesterday morning.

Yesterday, I was a newlywed, and still learning how to cook.

Today, he honks a deep-but-squeaky laugh so startling that I think it must be his daddy. But it isn't. It's my eleven-year-old. That silly little boy joke resulted in a big-boy laugh, and I'm left baffled and blinking.

Yesterday, I was twenty-one and reading the pregnancy test, scared and excited and shaking and blissful.

Today, he finds my hand at the grocery store and doesn't let go for ages, talking my ear off. And his hand is big. Really big. As in, it's dwarfing my hand, and it's dry and callused and strong. And now I'm blinking back tears, but they're happy, too, cause he's oblivious to everyone and he's still holding my hand.

Yesterday, I became a mama, and we bundled up our newborn, firstborn son and drove home at a snail's pace, my battered, weak body cocooning his as we gingerly stepped over the threshold.

Today, I watch through the kitchen window as he hops down from the climbing ropes in the trees and scoops up his baby brother, balancing him confidently on one hip, the two of them talking and gesturing and I don't even need to knock on the window to remind him to be careful. He is.

Yesterday, I was just a kid, right? Cause I still want to sit and read and eat M&M's all day and ignore my chores and sigh like a teenager when it's time for bed and sleep till the afternoon and have someone else make my food.

But today, I'm reminded that I'm a mama. And just when I feel like someone should notify the proper authorities that a kid is raising four children and is responsible for their schooling and diet and overall well-being...

...he calls me an old lady.

Bam. Hello, reality.

You look amazing.

My little big boy, Corban, moonlighting as William Wallace, fighting a friend Frodo at the Harvest Party.

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

11 fellow travelers shared:

Carrie said...

Oh my Elise, you shared how my heart beats. There are days I look around and just wonder... but God is good and I am so thankful to be right here, right now.

Maybe one day you can share how you and your beloved met... I would love to here. :)

Blessings and love,

I Live in an Antbed said...

Precious! Yes, I have walked those same steps. My first born is expecting her first. Of course, I still have a ten year old with five more kiddos in between!

Anonymous said...

Mine is eleven, too, but a girl-turning-woman. Deep breaths for mamas! Crying tears at how sweet you are...

Went to the doctor with my brood last week. He has six children, the youngest 12. I asked, "Does it seem like yesterday that they were your babies?" He said, "No, actually it seems like a long time ago." Well, I thought, you are not a mother. :)

Linda said...

I think you have written for all of Elise - for all the seasons of our lives.
There are still moments, when my sons wrestle and tumble with their own children or gently take them into their arms, that I am startled - wondering when all of this happened. Weren't they just little boys the other day?
The Father is so good to give us moments when a hand is still tucked into ours, or we are caught up in a hug that lifts us off our feet.
Oh - and even at 64, I am startled to see that "old woman" in the mirror when there is this little girl still living deep inside.
Beautifully, touchingly written sweet little girl.

Raya said...

I know this feeling well :)
and with my oldest 14 (and youngest 2)it sometimes feels like shes catching up to me and WHERE did the time go

~nanashouse~ said...

Oh the marvels of mommyhood. I have a fantastic young man that remembers to carry in the heavy water and take out the messy garbage and just tell me all the details of his day as I read my book before sleep time. I wouldn't trade this time for anything (even if it does mean I'm aging!)

Bree said...

Yes, how I can relate :) I sat looking at our oldest today, he will be 10 in a couple months but seems so much older, and I wonder how did he get so big already, and I sometimes mourn the time I missed with him when I was young and selfish and didn't know my precious Savior. But God is so good and I know He doesn't desire this feeling of remorse, only to look at it as a gentle reminder of the now and what we choose to do with our precious ones now. Praise the Lord for HIs grace! :)
May I link over to this?
Bless you & your sweet ones!

jillian said...

Yes. Thank you Elise. So loving your heart you share here...

Grace abundant to you in Christ!

Kendra said...

From a Mama who was just squeezing her ten year old young woman - I can totally relate. Only, she didn't call me 'old lady' today ;)

Heather said...

I can totally relate. I still look around and wonder sometimes why a child somehow managed to get married and have kids... And then I remember that I grew up! :)

But I feel so blessed that I get to experience childhood all over again, albeit from a different perspective.

Kelly Sauer said...

Oh sigh. Yes, I know this story. I have been thinking just this lately!

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